Try to find a week where you DON’T hear about some famous politician, actor, or public figure who has just completely destroyed his/her reputation and future because of some sexual excess. And for every famous person, there are untold numbers of men and women who aren’t famous but are nonetheless ruining their relationships, finances, occupations, and families by not learning how to rein in sexual excess. It’s yet another pandemic, folks.

Here’s what we offer to help you keep your sexual urges from messing up your life:

We offer immediate advice based on your current urge intensity and remaining self-control reserves. Then we use our Teachable Moment videos to strengthen your abilities to make lasting changes. The Teachable Moment advice is given in four stages:

Prevention strategies and Willpower Strengthening

Level 1 clarifies the difference between healthy and excessive sexual urges and we explain why something as totally normal as sexual desire can become addictive. We provide you with initial strategies such as the three-second rule and how to stop automatic scanning. We show you how to strengthen your willpower abilities. You’ll need first-rate self-control for some time before mastering the changes required to dial down sexual excess.  We’ll help prepare you for common problems like giving up, telling yourself it is stupid to try to change, or that you’ll never be happy again if you dial down your sexual appetite. 

Learning Your Triggers

Level 2 of the app then helps you realize that there are four main categories of triggers that drive sexual urges: Events, Thoughts, Feelings, and Behavior. The app breaks these categories down into many components to help you see what’s going on and what you need to do to keep the triggers from controlling you.  Having awareness of what’s behind your urges lets you be prepared for almost anything that comes at you --- and anything you are doing that is contributing to the problem. Awareness is key. For example, some people have little or no awareness that sex is an escape for them for depressed mood or fear that they have no value to others except as a sex partner. 

Extending your skills

Level 3 gives you more advanced knowledge about addictive behavior, more advanced techniques to help, and addresses problems that arise once you start controlling your urges: relapse risks, overconfidence, difficult social situations --- things like that. The goal is to get better and better at reading your moods, changing distorted thinking, and reorganizing your life so that sex is not so overvalued that you miss out on the rest of life’s pleasures and that you don’t hurt yourself or others by being so narrowly focused on sexual goals. 

Maintaining your new life

Level 4 reinforces your changes and emphasizes the need for permanent change. If you are using the app to convince your girlfriend you will stop flirting at work, but you really think she’s being stupid, then this isn’t the right app for you. It’s going to take serious work to shift your sexual issues. It’s also going to take time. That’s why we encourage you to use the app in level 4 or to fall back to earlier levels at any point, in order to continue your progress. We’ve built the app so that you can get encouragement from yourself via recorded messages, from others via their recordings, or from spiritual, psychological, or religious passages of your choice. In short, we’ve provided every possible ability that a smartphone can offer. We also provide a list of contacts for self-help groups such as Sex Addicts Anonymous and advice on how to find a therapist. It’s serious business to recover from any addiction, and sexual excess is certainly not any different. 

Is this app all you need?

For some, yes. For others, it’s a good beginning but it can’t take the place of support groups or professional services. Make sure you seek that additional help. It’s embarrassing, sure, but it’s also like a ticking time bomb if you ignore it. Nobody keeps it a secret forever, especially if it is not only hurting you, but others as well. If you don’t believe that, just take a look at what’s in the paper this week.